Friday, April 20, 2007

Bad Vibrations From John McCain

Well, good old Tissue-in-the-Wind McCain pulled a pretty juvenile move the other day. Addressing an audience of veterans, McCain put new lyrics to the old Beach Boys tune “Barbara Ann” and sang “Bomb bomb bomb, bomb bomb Iran...”

The next day he came out and said that anyone who criticized his little joke should “Get a life.”

Well, because I didn’t have time to post about McCain’s song at the time, and because I already have a life, I’m going to go ahead and criticize his little joke anyway.

1. John McCain has all the sensitivity, maturity, and parody songwriting skills of a pre-teenager. Just because the words “Bomb Iran” sound a little like “Barbara Ann” doesn’t mean you have to put it to music.

2. Why would McCain think it’s funny to make jokes about dropping bombs on a country—even in song? Does he not remember that time we bombed Iraq and killed a few hundred thousand people? Or did he think that was funny?

3. Ronald Reagan once made an equally stupid remark in a very similar vein. Unaware he was in front of a live mike, Reagan said “I’m pleased to announce I’ve signed legislation outlawing Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.” Not only is this an irresponsible and flippant thing for the leader of the free world to say, it’s not even a good joke. How could he sign legislation that outlaws another country? Good humor requires verisimilitude, so if he’d wanted to be insensitive, arrogant, and yet somewhat funny, he could have said “I’m pleased to announce I’ve signed legislation that will solve our problems with Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes.” See? If Reagan had said that, people would have known he was just joking around. He still would have been a dumbass, but gee, being funny will only take you so far.

4. At the risk of throwing up in my mouth a bit, I have to evoke the image of one of the ugliest and most pathetic presidential attempts at humor ever: President Poor Dope "looking" for weapons of mass destruction. That moment--coupled with his fooling around on guitar while people were drowning in the streets of New Orleans--tells you everything you need to know about that smirking dickweed.

5. Anyone who thinks John McCain was just making a harmless joke is hereby forbidden from using the phrase “Culture of Death” in their efforts to disparage progressives. It was already a ridiculous strawman phrase, but now that your boy is singing songs about dropping bombs on Iranian civilians, I’d say he’s fully embraced a real Culture of Death.

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